Friday, January 6, 2012

Reason why Mitt Romney probably won't win the presidency

As I said earlier, there is a cool factor.  But more importantly, there is the wuss/authentic factor as well.  Most all the previous losers in modern day presidential elections to incumbents were frankly....wusses.  And not only is Mitt a wuss, he's a plastic wuss.  Frankly, so was John Kerry.  So was Walter Mondale. Bob Dole was a wuss too.  He kept referring to himself in the third person with that pen in his hand. That was just weird (although in all fairness this was due to an injury suffered fighting for his country)

Mitt has been running for president for SEVEN YEARS! He has yet to break 25% in any poll for that entire time.  Why? 'Cause as John Stewart puts it: he looks like he bought the "how to look like a presidential candidate kit" for $14 million. He looks like a ken doll.  There is not a hair out of place.  His wife is very pretty.  His kids are very clean.  It's all too dang perfect, and perfect just feels wrong. When we heard Pres. Bush had had a drinking problem in the past some of us sighed and shook our heads, but inside, we knew that at least he was human.  Humans get drunk and make mistakes.  

Also, if you gonna look perfect, you gotta look cool doing it.  My favorite James Bond is Sean Connery, because not only was he fine as hell, he really looked like he he could fight...he was dirty sometimes.  But most importantly, he looked cool as hell.  Mitt don't look cool.  He looks like the guy in the movie that's the villain in the geek-as-hero movie.  He's that fraternity brother that just dumps on the good guy just because he's not perfect, like him.   

We like people that look like one of us, just a slob like all of us(see Joan Osborne's song, "What if God was one of us").  And just because he's rich, doesn't mean he can't be cool.  Kennedy's family was rich as a golden ball. All three of the famous Kennedy brothers were cool, the ladies man, and the dorky one, the drunkard (apologies to my brothers namesake!).  They had everything and sailed on yachts and played rich people was like watching P. Diddy at a white party, but they were there first.  You wanted to be them.  Nobody wants to BE Mitt Romney.  Ain't no woman dreaming about mitt Romney. Nobody's writing songs about Mitt Romney. And then he starts reciting the God Bless America and goes to verse 3, the words of which nobody even knows....not cool, just ain't cool...

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